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True
Love Advice
True
Love Advice - Different Talk Styles
The genders talk in basic ways that are different,
obviously. For example, women will communicate many times just to connect
with their partner. Men prefer to communicate to make needed points and to
solve problems.
These different styles can cause lots of issues in your relationship. One or
the other of you can end up feeling unappreciated or unheard, with the
accompanying hurt feelings. Taking some time to comprehend the talking
styles of both genders can help long term intimacy thrive.
A basic guy talking style is to make points and take charge in a
conversation. As you know, men are more territorial by genetics. They like
to dominate parts of a conversation. They may interrupt a lot. They may try
to make points loud and clear. They may try to argue and "defend" their
points.
And of course, men like to be problem solvers. Genetically, men are the
hunter killers. See deer, shoot deer, get meat. They are the same with
problems. See problem, kill problem, feel good. So your boss sucks is one
point. Tell the boss off is their solution. Men clearly don't need to have
great solutions, they just need to offer one.
On the other hand, a basic female talking style is to connect and consider
things. Sure, women can solve problems. But often they communicate as a way
to connect and think out loud. They don't wait to talk til they've got a
problem and solution. They don't need to get somewhere in the conversation.
So women will share about the boss sucks, then say but the boss has been
having a hard time with their marriage. They are sharing their intimate
thought processes. Yes, they think the boss sucks. And yes, they relate it
to the boss may suck because of marriage problems. They are connecting with
their mate, sharing their inner process, not trying to hurry to a
resolution. They can be more circular and considered.
This style often drives men nuts. Saying the boss sucks is good, they are
with you. The deer is identified. Saying the boss is having love problems is
irrelevant. You don't need to know the deer is having relationship issues to
kill it! Just shoot the darn deer by quitting your job.
There's much more to gender communication differences, of course. However,
if you can see that men like to problem solve and get points across, and
women often like to just connect and share when they communicate, you are
off to a good start. Now you can forward your relationship by trying this
simple exercise: practice talking in your mate's style every so often, and
see what happens!
True Love Action Steps:
1. Notice more of your own and your mate's
talking style.
2. If frustration arises when talking, ask for
patience with your style.
Remember, true love is your birthright. It is
what we all deserve. You don't have to wait for it, you don't have to
have the perfect lover. You can bring it. You can start loving
the people around you as they are. Allow the people in your life to be
the way they are, and the way they are NOT, and you begin to step into the
possibilities of generating more true love.
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