 |
True
Love Advice
True
Love Advice On Conflict
When it comes to true love, there are many useful
things to understand about conflict. A first one is that conflict is going
to happen in any love relationship. There are some good ways to deal with
conflict and a lot of bad ways.
There are many unhealthy ways to deal with conflict. Attacking your mate is
obviously one of the bad ways. You can attack your partner verbally or
non-verbally. Shouting or screaming, mocking them or treating them with
disdain are some of the biggest relationship killers.
There are a few things you can do that are healthy when conflict arises. One
of the first things you can do is take a breath. Breathe. This will help you
to notice that we all often revert to the emotional age of children during
conflict.
While breathing, also see if you can notice that conflict causes crappy
behavior. Crying, screaming, withdrawing, insulting each other. But the
crappy conduct only last a few minutes in most cases. See if you can stop
taking it so personally.
Another useful thing to do is aim to de-escalate the conflict. Keep it from
getting more heated and angry when possible. Sometimes you need to say I
need a few minutes to get myself under control, then walk away. Withdraw for
ten minutes or so. Don't withdraw for hours or days, as shutting your
partner out has been shown by researchers to cause great damage to a
relationship.
Research has shown that another important thing to do with conflict is not
to withdraw affection. If you argue, don't then withhold affection for a day
or two as a way to punish your partner. This creates lasting damage.
Next, try to reconnect with your mate after the argument. Don't wait days to
talk civilly to them again. Once things have cooled down, even if you don't
think it was your fault, reconnect. Say "sorry we fought, are you okay?" Do
not let the anger between you linger.
There is much more to the art and science of dealing well with conflict.
Most of us never got taught conflict resolution skills in school. These few
pointers can be a good start.
True Love Action Plan:
1. Notice any pain that you feel around
conflict in your
relationship. It's all okay and normal.
2. See if you can practice de-escalating
conflict when it arises.
3. Learn to reconnect quickly after arguments.
Remember, true love is your birthright. It is
what we all deserve. You don't have to wait for it, you don't have to
have the perfect lover. You can bring it. You can start loving
the people around you as they are. Allow the people in your life to be
the way they are, and the way they are NOT, and you begin to step into the
possibilities of generating more true love.
|
|
